Burning Love Affair Bridges

Okay, stick with me till the end of this post, it gets good.

Let me ask you a question. If you knew you could cheat on your spouse and they would still love you and accept you back would you do it? That it would hurt them deeply, yet they would not allow it to keep them from pursuing a deeper love and intimacy with you. Let’s say (hypothetically speaking) that your spouse is a person of great strength and character and that they would not be destroyed by such a discovery. That it would hurt them, but that they would still have the strength of character to do the right thing in the face of their pain. That it wouldn’t destroy them and they would continue on with a healthy life. Would you do it? To review – It wouldn’t destroy them, they would still love and accept you, they would still pursue true intimacy with you, and they could still continue on with a healthy life. However, it would cause them unimaginable pain. Would you cheat? Take a minute and honestly ask yourself that question.

If you said yes than you don’t love them the way God intended for you to love them. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to spot that.

When you truly love someone you are happy when they are happy, and if they are heartbroken than so are you. True love cares about their heart more than your own because their joy brings you joy. Love “lives for holding nothing back” to quote Phil Wickham.

A “yes” answer to “would you cheat?” is obviously an exceptionally selfish one. It’s easy for us to recognize that type of selfish behavior in our earthly relationships, yet for some reason when we go to apply those same principles to our relationship with our God (Jehovah) and to our Ultimate Lover Jesus Christ sometimes we tend to blur those lines of selfishness and do things that we would never get by with in an earthly relationship.

Not too long ago (after doing something exceedingly selfish and stupid) I found myself laying on my back staring up at the sky talking to God saying “God, why did I do that? That was so stupid! You know I don’t want to be that way. What’s wrong with me? What would cause me to do such a thing?” After laying there thinking about it for an extended amount of time I came to a conclusion. You know all those things I said in the first paragraph? That was why. I made a selfish decision because I knew that God would accept me back and still love me and pursue intimacy with me. I did it because I knew it wouldn’t cost me my relationship with God. That even though it might cost me a certain level of intimacy with Him right now that I would still get an opportunity to build that trust, commitment and intimacy back up later. Because I knew He would give me a second chance.

There’s a term for that . . . It’s called “abusing grace.”

If I had thought that failing would cost me my relationship with God and earn me eternal judgment in Hell than I would have thought twice about choosing to fail. (And yes, failing in the context of sinning is a choice. He never allows more on us than we can bear.) But if I would have made my choice not to fail based on the fact that I wouldn’t get a second chance I would have been making my decision based out of fear and not out of love. And that wouldn’t mean much to God.

I realized laying there that night that God HAS to give us second chances in order for us to have the ability to make the choice to follow Him out of love and not out of fear. God doesn’t want followers running around trying their best to keep the commandments because they are scared of not getting a second chance. No! He wants lovers that do what pleases Him simply because they like to see their Love happy and can’t stand the thought of Jesus with a broken heart! So what’s God’s solution? He gives us as many second chances as we need waiting for us to make the choice to live right. That way, when we do finally make the choice to do the right thing we do it out of love and not out of fear.

One time years ago I was struggling with fornication, but I knew that the Lord was still pursuing me and desired to be close to me. I could tell that He was continually offering me another chance to help me get my life straightened out. Which on the outside it looked straightened out, but on the inside it was a wreck. I couldn’t figure out why the Lord kept offering me second chances. Because as a preacher‘s kid and as a worship leader I knew that the way I was living was an abomination to God. Yet, there He was with arms open wide. It almost frustrated me at times because I felt so unworthy, and yet it was comforting at the same time. So one day I asked Him why He kept giving me second chances and forgiving me over and over. And He answered me.

The conversation went like this:

Me: God why do you keep pursuing me and forgiving me over and over when you know that I am probably just going to fail and betray you again?

Jesus: For that one chance that you will finally choose to love me and quit hurting me.

Did you catch that? He gave me innumerable chances just because He wanted so bad to have a relationship with me that He would willingly place His heart on the line time and time again just for a small chance that I would finally choose to love Him. To him the risk of never being intimate with me was worse than the more probable risk of being betrayed by me.

And He never came to me and said, “One more time and that’s it, you’re outta here pal!” No, instead He was always there with arms open wide trying to romance me back into relationship with Him! That way when the choice was made to clean up my act He knew it was out of love and not out of fear of rejection. Jesus wants a bride, not fearful servants.

Unfortunately, at that period in my life I allowed sin to ravage my life until it had stolen the things that I loved the most from me. But it was in that place of complete brokenness and surrender that the Lord came into my life and brought restoration and redemption. When I was down and out the Lord came to me and drew me unto Himself. I was completely undeserving and unworthy and had knowingly dug myself into a lifeless pit. And He still loved me so much that He came to me in my hopeless state and pulled me out. Amazing.

Practical Steps to Freedom

So, since God is always going to give us second chances and never reject us what should we do if we are struggling with sin? How do we get free? This is what I’ve discovered – Since God is always going to give us second chances we have to burn the bridges that have connected us to our sin and not allow OURSELVES the second chance to hurt Him. If a person was crossing a bridge and wanted to ensure that they could never go back how could they accomplish this. As soon as they finish crossing the bridge set fire to it and watch it crumble to the ground. Leaving them no choice but to stay where they are. That may not make sense. Let me give you some practical examples from my life to explain what I mean. These are some of the ways and practical examples that I have burned the bridges to my sinful behaviors.

Public Confession

Bacteria breeds in the dark. As long as something is secret it will grow. But light always trumps darkness. As soon as confession happens the power of darkness immediately loses its hold. When light shines in darkness has to go.

Personal example:

One time while preaching to around 150 to 200 people (mixed company, young and old) on “freedom from addictions” the Lord told me to share my testimony of how He delivered me from masturbation when I was 17.  (There is a separate post on this blog about that specefic subject)  So I did. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Except for the occasional snicker from this one teenage guy. Lol. That was a very awkward experience for me but I was so glad I obeyed. At the end of the service during the altar call people actually came forward for prayer! Which is a pretty bold step. New people came to church and many lives were impacted as a result of my obedience.

A month to two months after preaching that message I was attacked with intense temptation (I believe as a result of preaching against it) and after 5 years of freedom began to struggle with it again. I confessed to my leaders and was and am held accountable for maintaining purity in that area of my life. That broke the back of the temptation and once again set me free. It was humiliating to seek help with such an issue, but it was worth it. When your desire to be free exceeds your desire to keep a good reputation you will do what’s necessary to get free.

Prevention

We are told to flee temptation, not to fight it or stand up to it. If we try to fight it we will lose every time. We have to flee the very appearance of evil. So we accomplish this by taking steps that keep temptation far from us.

Personal example:

I had just failed and looked at images on line that I had no business looking at. The very next day I confessed, moved my computer out of my bedroom into the living room (where the entire family and the dog could see what I was looking at all times) and went on a schedule of not being allowed online when I would be up alone. I also became accountable and am asked on a regular basis if I am maintaining purity.

Now I could’ve chosen to handle that by just telling myself “I’ll do better next time, no need to tell anyone. I won’t let it happen again.” But by doing that I wouldn’t have removed the temptation. Which is pretty much a sure fire way of knowing that it will happen again. Every time I would have sat alone in my room the temptation would have been staring me right in the face. And I’m sure I would probably still be in bondage today had I handled it that way. But by moving my computer to the family room and asking to be held accountable I removed the temptation . . . Unless I want to look up inappropriate content with my whole family watching. . . not very tempting.

And if you are dealing with fornication with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or fiancé either break up or get married immediately. At the very least admit your struggle to your leadership and ask them to hold you accountable. But whatever you do don’t think that you can conquer it with sheer willpower. Because you will fail if you try that. You have to remove yourself from the temptation. If you make the rules, than you can break them. So bring a leader into the picture to help you.

More examples:

Below are things that I have learned from my friends and loved ones.

If you are married and are starting to have romantic emotional attachments with someone other than your spouse than separate yourself from that person immediately. Quit the job, change churches, whatever you have to do. And be open and honest with your spouse. It’s not worth it.

If you struggle with lying while in conversations write a letter with the truth. Before you start the conversation give them the letter so if you lie they know it. You have then rid yourself of the temptation to lie.

Once I had a girlfriend that was being tempted to listen to music on the radio that the Lord had instructed her not to listen to anymore. So one night she just went outside and ripped the antenna off her car! Lol. Now that is burning a bridge! Primal but very effective.

We have to get to the place of devotion in our lives where we care more about being pure than the resale value of our car. (Or our reputation) You will only be free when you really want to be free. God always provides a way out for us. But normally that way out is thru confession and admitting your struggles to your leaders. Which is very uncomfortable. But if we really love Jesus, than there will be no price to great to pay to please Him, and we will take the way out whatever it be.

If you feel like you have no one to turn to than you can email me. You have my word that it will be kept confidential. I know some people keep their sin covered up because of judgment, rejection, and condemnation that they fear receiving from the “church.” And I understand that as I have felt that way before as well. But I want you to know that there no price to great to pay for freedom. Take it from a man that has walked in bondage and in freedom. Freedom is definitely better.

If Christians in the church would confess their sins and be honest about their issues rather than trying to maintain their reputation I think there would be a lot less sin in the church. I would rather be looked down upon by the religious and know that I am right with God than have a pristine reputation yet be filled with secret sin. That’s called pride.  And pride comes before a fall.  If you are on the brink of losing hope and have lost confidence in yourself than please contact me. I promise you will receive no judgment from me. Just help from a brother that has committed his life to helping people get free. If I can’t help you than I will point you to someone you can trust that can help you. This walk would have been impossible for me to walk had it not been for my loving brothers and awesome leaders to hold me accountable and encourage me when I’m down. You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s take your giant down together. My personal email is in the comments.

Nashville and I

Most of these pictures are older and definitely not flattering.  Lol.  But they represent some awesome memories and times I had in Nashville so i wanted to share them anyways.

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Rick Pino and I at the Sons of Thunder conference.  I was invited to play that night for one of the groups playing after Rick.  But the way the Spirit moved that night there ended up being no time.  So I didn’t play.  BUT WHEN THE SPIRIT IS MOVING WHO CARES!  God rocked my face off that night.  We actually spontaneously took the entire conference outside to the streets with percussion instruments and marched and worshipped out in the neighborhoods! Like Jericho. ALL UNPLANNED!  What an amazing night.  I think we got the cops called on us, but I’m not sure.

Richie Clark of Radiant Worship and I.  No I’m not making a kissy face, i was in the middle of a sentence.

Me on the altar in the Fortress of Hope in Nashville.  God is so good.

Ricky Skaggs and I in the control room of his studio!  You may not be aware, but that man is an ON FIRE prophet for the Lord.  He prophesied over me and said some very deep and moving things that I am sure I will cherish until the day I go home to be with my lover Jesus.  And he’s one of the most humble and down to earth men I’ve ever met.  This was another amazing day.

One of the rooms in the Skaggs Family Records studio.  Look at all those guitars!  Ricky actually pulled out a few of the really old antique ones and let us play them.  And check this out, I got to play a prototype Taylor acoustic that has not even been released yet!  They had given it to Ricky to test.  Way cool.

This was in a different studio.  This is the Sound Kitchen in Nashville, the largest and most prestigious recording facility in the Southeast.  This whole day was sort of surreal for me.  Here pastor Roberta is praying for the anointing of God and melodies of Heaven to flow before we begin recording.

Here I am actually recording. . . IN THE BIG BOY STUDIO!! (The Sound Kitchen’s largest studio)  I’m telling you this whole day felt like I was in a movie.  I have video of this somewhere.  I’ll have to see if i can dig it up and post in here in the next couple of days.

We had the same producer that has worked with pretty much every big name country artist - i. e. Toby Keith, Willie Nelson (who had just recorded there a few days before), Whitney Houston (ok, not just country), etc and also Christian artists such as Michael W. Smith.  Basically name a major artist and he had worked with them.  I also got to go to this same producers house and record in his “home” studio. (there are pictures of that somewhere.  I need to find them.)  I accidentally left my keys at his house and had like a week long fiasco trying to get them back.  And had the text messages to prove it. lol.  It was so embarrassing having such a high up influential person trying to track me down to return my keys.  He seemed to take it ok tho.  At the Thunder School graduation he gave me a giant bear hug and laughed with me about it. . . we bonded.  lol.

Part of the ceiling at the Sound Kitchen. . . I thought it was pretty.

TS students and Lou Engle.  I have the utmost respect for that man.  One of my heroes in the faith.  I thank God for men like that.  It was such an honor to meet him.

My TS (Thunder School) guy friends.  The two guys whose shoulders I am sitting on are Ryan and Joshua.  My two best friends.  Both awesome men of God.

 My opportunity to preach at The Foundry in Nashville, TN.  Scott Macleod is the pastor.  (And also the founder of TS)  An amazing prophet and apostle of God.

Thunder School, Nashville

This is a promotional video I produced for Thunder School.  I attended the school last year and it was amazing.  More than i could have hoped or dreamed for.  It completely changed my life and also left me with many, many deep friendships that i’m sure will be life long.  You should really check it out.  It starts again September 12, 2008.  You should apply, you won’t be sorry.

This is some the students sharing their experience at Thunder School.

Two things i’ve learned as outreach director.

Since January 1, 2008 i have been the outreach director for Church of the Burning Heart here in Benton, AR.  There are two main things that I have learned during this time.

NUMBER UNO

The first thing is just how amazingly awesome (I just saw “Kung Fu Panda” a few minutes ago.  So “awesome” is one of my favorite words right now) it is to bless someone in need, and how fulfilling and satisfying it is to know that you are making a difference.  When you take the words of the Bible seriously and when it says, “Go into all the world and make disciples” and then you actually do it - Nothing can compare to the feeling you get from fulfilling your purpose on this earth.

We have gone to the nursing homes, prisons, poor, widows, and to the streets to minister and to be arms of love and compassion to those in need.  I have made many memories that i am sure i will never forget.  One particular comes to mind.  We had just had a birthday party for Ms. Dorothy Strouse at the nursing home.  She was one of our close friends we made there.  As it was time to leave she made the usual rounds of giving us all our kisses and telling us how much she loved us all and how sweet we are.  lol.  She’s told us multiple times that we are her adopted children.  She’s so sweet.  Anyways, as we were leaving she walked us all the way with us to the security ward door holding our hands.  She told us how much she hated to see us go.  As we walked through the door to go she began to cry and blow kisses at us.  The last thing we saw as the door closed behind us was Miss Dorothy standing there crying and looking pitiful blowing kisses at us and waving good bye.

Nothing i could say here could accurately describe what i felt at that moment.

That it is one of those things you can only understand through experience.  You can’t experience it through someone else.

Another time in the nursing home we were visiting one of our friends and she began to tell us how badly her back was hurting.  She was strapped to her chair and was unable to sit up comfortably.  We tried to help her up but couldn’t, so we asked if we could pray for her.  She said yes.  We began to pray for her commanding the pain to leave.  Right in the middle of our prayer she began to “hoot and holler” exclaiming “It’s working!  It’s working!  The pain is gone!  The pain is gone!”  After that she was fine and has been fine ever since.  Before we prayed for her she had been in and out of the hospital constantly always staying sick.  After we prayed for her she has not been sick once since.  I asked her how she liked not being sick anymore and she told me she didn’t like it because they don’t let her stay in bed as much anymore. lol.

Another time we prayed for a lady that was completely immobile (if that’s a word) and next time we came back she was out and about in the cafeteria!  Again, these are things that you have to experience in order to truly understand how they make you feel.  Watching men in the prison weep as the Lord moves on their heart, handing a bowl of food to a hungry person at the care center, the compassion of Christ as you stay with a homeless man through the night, the relief of a widow when you tell her you’re going to fix her mower and mow her lawn for her: All these things are things i have experienced that i can not explain to you with mere words.  You have to experience it.  Which leads me to my next point.

NUMBER DOS

The second thing i learned is how ridiculously hard it has been to get Bible believing, church going Christians to get motivated about outreach.  I’m not saying everyone is like that, because they aren’t.  But far too many of them.

People get stuck in their rut and routines and either don’t know how, or don’t want to get out of them.  The ones that don’t know how are ok, because you can show them.  But its the ones that don’t want to get out of their routine that are in trouble.

The bible says in James 1:26-27 “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I would like to focus on the part ” . . . Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. . .” 

Going to church is not the end all of being Christian.  In fact that is just the very beginning!  We go to the church to get built up and fed so that we can then go out to the world and feed them.  We have to start taking the Bible seriously and actually do what it says.  The only reason we were still left on earth after we got saved is so that we can get more people saved.

When was the last time you witnessed to someone?  What about went out of your way to show the love of Christ with someone?  Is there an outreach program at your church?  If there is, get involved!  It is what you are here for.  The great commission was given to all of us.  It is all of our responsibility.  No one is excluded.  So if you’re not making disciples (or at least attempting to) then you are missing out on a very large portion of your purpose!  Nothing can describe the feeling you get when you know that you are accomplishing the work of the Lord.

I encourage you to do something out of the ordinary to show someone the love of Christ today.  One thing i have trained our church to do is this.  Next time your checking out at a grocery store or gas station.  Ask the person checking you out what their favorite soft drink is.  When they tell you reach over and buy one.  Then give it to them and tell them that you are working on learning how to show the love of Christ to the people around you.

When you do that it opens a door.  You win their heart before you confront their mind.  A small act of kindness nudges a person closer to God, often in a profound way as it bypasses ones mental defenses.  It may lead to an opportunity to witness, or maybe just an opportunity to make an imprint in someones mind of the kindness of Christians.  Either way, you have nudged them closer to salvation.  Remember, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.  The whole “bible track instead of a tip” type stuff just shows a lack of respect and honor for that person.  Please don’t do things like that.

Check out www.servantevangelism.com for more.

Here are a few pictures from the Benton Care Center.

Here we are getting prepared to serve the hungry and homeless at the Care Center.

Some of them stay for the service and get ministered to.  Here Bob Lloyd is preaching.

This lady is really sweet and always makes cake for us.

This lady is a hoot.  She calls me sweet heart and always tells me that i’m attractive. lol.

This guy just rocks.  I felt a connection with him since my first time there.

the two guys that run the place.  Both are amazing men of God!

Making memories.

Well, I just got back from Ireland.  Pictured behind me is my family’s newly acquired Castle.  The full estate is worth around 100,000,000.  But since there are so many Ulery’s our family only gets around 3 million of it.  But hey i’m not complaining.  That’s 3 million dollars richer than i was two months ago.  I am completely making all of this up.  But i had you going tho didn’t I?  lol.  BTW – My sister Lindsay (the one on the far right above) took all the pictures below.

Actually i haven’t yet gone to Ireland.  (Still want to though) that picture was actually taken at the Biltmore Estate in North Carolina.  It was a beautiful place.  Maybe if i play my cards right i’ll own something similar to it someday where i can house orphans.  (If you haven’t noticed yet i am a really big dreamer)  But we’ll see.

My family went to Gatlinburg TN for vacation where i got to do all sorts of cool things.  Like lie on a bed of nails, have sharks swim two feet above my head, pet manta rays, go on a mountain hike along with a wild bear and her three cubs (that was an accident), ride ski lifts to plummet down mountain sides, see the table that Napolean Bonaparte’s heart sat on and all sorts of other interesting things.  There are pictures of some of those things below.

Of course on Sunday we went to church.  One really cool thing there was that a lady there (in Greenesville TN) told me that she had listened to one of my teaching CD’s that i preached at my church.  She told me that i was a good preacher and that she got a lot out of my message!  That was really encouraging.  I didn’t even know that any of my sermon CD’s had made it out to TN.  I’m from AR.  So i was pretty shocked, and happy.

After church we went to “Wonder Worx.”  That’s me and my niece Chloe in the lobby.

This was a bathroom inside of Wonder Worx.  It’s one of those kind where the only thing between you and the public watching you do your business is a foggy sheet of glass.  Seriously.  It’s clear glass, and then when you lock the door the glass somehow fogs up.  Still . . . It’s glass . . . that was clear before you locked it.  How do you know it won’t suddenly decide to get clear again.  You would have to understand how modest I am to really get how awkward something like that would make me.  Thankfully, i didn’t have to go.  But i did go in and lock the door just to see how “secure” it felt.  Not very.  I didn’t trust the glass.

My niece Chloe and I going up a ski lift to do the Alpine slide down the mountain.  “Zoo wee mama” (Quote from “Diary of a wimpy kid” which i read on vacation)

We were going to go to Dollywood one day but got rained out, so we decided to go on a hike in the Smokies instead.  (Umm, don’t think about that too hard.  It didn’t make sense to me either)  On the hike we encountered a wild bear and her three cubs.  At one point that were only about 25 to 50 feet away from us.  Very close.  It was invigorating.  I was closer to them than many bears i’ve seen in the zoo, except this time there was no boundary or fence between me and them.  The mom didn’t seem to mind us.  Still, once she started walking towards us we decided it was time to leave.  Above is a picture of one of the cubs.  I have video of it too.

Me and my niece petting manta rays at Ripleys Aquarium.  They were slimy.

Lots of under water glass tunnels.  Very cool.

Me at the entrance of the Biltmore Estate.  That was a beautiful place.

Me and my nieces in the mountains.

Me and the random pop out frog picture.

Me and my pretend “Photo shoot for my album cover” pic.  However, i did just seriously get asked to go on a tour opening for a new major artist.  I’m not releasing details yet, but i will soon.  I can say tho that i would be playing for a group called New Fire headed by Jonathon Firey (X guitar player for group FFH).  I need prayer before i confirm this tho, so pray for me.  If it is confirmed then i will release details.  Thanks everyone!